Up above my headempty sky, overcast, grey.bits of white cloudsmark emptiness. The pain of it,heavy, thick,clamped to my skin,holding me in place,substantial darkness engulfing me,nothingness above. The sky above my headis nondescript, greyvoid, openempty. Unzipping myself out of depression,I shed all of my clothes,and lay, bare skinagainst the earth. Beneath me, life force a buzzing … Continue reading Empty Sky Filled with Bugs
It's a strange feeling, to know you're ethical, righteous, and honest... and be stuck in a hampster wheel of lies, abuse, and crazy making of a narcissist. A lost cause. fighting just to defend the real reality, not the false narrative of his outrageous lies.
It's not regular bad news, or a few unkind words that set it off. What flips that switch is something incredibly vindictive, hurtful ripping the scabs off my trauma and letting the blood of the old wound dribble down a limb. The hurt bubbles deep below layers of thick tissue and viscus fluids. It lurks, … Continue reading Pressing Through
I have lost my faith
again. Again, my faith
has been ripped from my
raw, open, vulnerable
beating heart.
Chasing the things that make me
feel those familiar feeling tones
sugary cider donuts in New England
clogging up my throat
as I stuff my bad feelings down
into my bloated belly full of
pumpkin spiced feelings and
broken nostalgia.
Crickets chirping, a melodious sound, coming from the thicket of autumnal wildflowers and trees bursting out in yellow and orange leaves. I sit, at my appointed seat, where I think, where I write, where I contemplate, and think of what may be next. Candles lit, orange glow, soft light envelops me, healing call, after a … Continue reading Chirps
I begin, remembering. The feelings look around corners, worried if they are safe to come out. They are like small children, afraid their abuser will yell loudly when they are seen. Vulnerable. The retreating from social existence increases, as I don't want to see images. The people who weren't there, screaming how we should never forget, but they have no clue what they are remembering.
Fuck, I did not sleep well last night,
turning in my head
flipping in my brain
playing out scenarios of nothing
that I can control
as the thoughts became
fake realities
thrusting themselves at one and other
like punk rock dancers
in a moshpit
fuck, FUCK!
So many shades of green, they creep, evolve, stick and grow. Leaves of so many sizes and shapes. Large birds above, I stop and watch them above the trees flying free above the ocean of green leaves and brown towering trees that have been here for hundreds of years. This forest is older than all … Continue reading Green Waves of Moss
chillEmpress
Gratitude for Boredom 
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